KILL ME. NOW.

Hey Guys,


Two things:
1) It is with heaviness in my heart and deep sadness that i make this announcement. I have given in. I have sold out. I'm moving my blog to Wordpress :'( I was hoping to hit a particular number of page views before i moved but...
Blogger served me well but Wordpress is more mobile and comment friendly and i want everyone to be able to express their opinions easily. Its still basically the same address, only a change in the domain (www.chroniclesofdania.wordpress.com). I'm moving all my old posts there as well so if there was a post you were unable to comment on previously, you can do it there.


2) In honour of Blogger who welcomed me into Blogosphere with arms wide open and showed me the ropes, i will b posting one last story here. I will move it to Wordpress as well in 3days. Its a bit longer than usual so please bear with me. Thank you all for reading and following and commenting and commending. 


Enjoy.




My name is Adanna.

And I remember.


I remember thinking how much trouble I could get into. But the alcohol I’d had earlier was still very much in effect. I peeped out from my vantage point beside the gate. Still no sign of Him. I wondered where He was going at past 1am on a Saturday morning.

I remember looking at my Kenneth Cole watch and remembering how He'd given it to me on my 20th birthday last year. He was definitely to blame for my addiction to male timepieces. Since that first day He let me take off his watch and put it on my dainty 6yr old wrist while sitting in His lap, I never looked back. He had ordered the latest limited edition Jacob&Co for my 21st next month. I was pretty excited

I remember peeping in again and wondering if I should just take the risk and go inside. I had come back from the party and was about to knock on Yahaya's window when all of a sudden the main gate started opening. I quickly took cover behind the gate, praying that the shadows and darkness would cover me, thankful that the Vogue had tinted windows and praying that whoever was driving it out wouldn't feel the need to look through their rear-view mirror for whatever reason.

I remember almost dying when the car suddenly stopped midway through the gate and he stepped out. He walked back into the house. In hindsight, he looked pensive that night.

That was my first time of sneaking out of the house for a party. I felt terrible at first but when the drinks started flowing, I forgot about it. I loved my parents but they could be a bit prudish sometimes with their unreasonable curfews. It was bad luck that school was out of session and I had to be at home but there was no way in this world I was missing Teni's party.

I remember hearing a rustling in the small patch of grass along the wall, not too far from where I stood. I turned back and saw something crawling stealthily toward me. What is...WHAT??? A snake??? I didn't even think about it, just did the first thing that came to my head. I ran into the backseat of the Vogue and slammed the door. After about 2minutes of crouching on the car floor, i realised my foolishness. I was about to open the car door when I heard His voice calling Yahaya to come and close the gate. Oh wow. I'm really doomed now.


As he drove off, I tried to not breathe so He wouldn't hear but I didn't have to worry; He turned on his stereo.

Fela. He played his Fela CD that night.

He drove for a while. A very long while.

I remember the car finally stopping.  He came out. Thankfully, he didn’t set his alarm. I waited for about 5minutes and then I came up from the floor and looked outside the window. No one in sight. Just a large open field of some sort. Empty, save the other cars lined up on the right of the Vogue, and the white nondescript bungalow a few meters in front.
I stepped out of the car.

The first thing I noticed was the quiet. It was eerie. I moved a few steps forward and looked around but I couldn't see a road leading to the field. Crap. I had hoped to find a taxi to take me back home. I still had my vex money with me. But no, it was just grass and sand all around me.

I remember thinking maybe I should go back in the car and wait? But for how long? I remember the other voice that said I should move towards the bungalow. Find out what was going on. Maybe a party? But in this kind of place? An orgy perhaps?


The hand that grabbed my neck was cold and rough.



Ambrose sighed heavily. He had to do it. He couldn’t let them take her. Not her. He almost died of shock when they brought her in. Now he was just sad. He had made other sacrifices in the past, yes. His mother had been the hardest. But she was old and well past her prime. His nephew? Well that had been hard too but his sister was still young. Still fertile. She would have more children. And she did, three now. But this one? This was his Ada. His Adanna. His angel. He remembered her storming up and down the house like the princess that she was in his watches. She was always stealing his watches. He could not let this one go. He was tired a lot lately. Not the physical tiredness of a man after a hard days work. But the bone weariness of one who had gotten everything he ever wanted only to find that it wasn’t enough. He was still searching. For what, he was yet to know. Maybe this was it. He remembered the sermon in church on Sunday. Perhaps if he prayed, God would still have him. He sighed.



Okpaka smiled. Okiriwo had sent him the answer in his usual way. He had been a bit worried about this one. He had seemed a bit sluggish, uncertain even, in their recent meetings. He knew he had reason to worry when he had questioned his authority in their last meeting. He knew he would have to go but he had to figure out how without unsettling the others. And now he had his answer. He saw the way he was looking at her. Weakling. He would choose to go. They really did not have to kill anyone. But for this one, his time was up. He smiled.



I remember the voices. I remember the words.

“Has to pay…”
“Either her or you...”
“You understand.”
“I understand.” His voice.

I tried to move but I couldn’t. Tried to speak.

“She’s awake. Remove the blindfold.”

I remember the hand. It was still cold.

When my eyes adjusted to the light I looked around. An wished I didn’t.

I was bound, hand and feet, to a table. On either side of the table stood men dressed in white; four on the left and three on the right. He was on the right. I knew. My eyes brushed past him. I didn’t make contact. Couldn’t. At the head of the table, on a raised pedestal, sat an ordinary looking fat man. At his feet, lay two young girls. They looked my age. They were naked. His left foot slowly rubbed on the right breast of one of them, and his right foot did the same to the left breast of the other girl. They both had dreamlike expressions on their faces. I looked up into his eyes and he smiled. I snatched my eyes away. Those eyes. God I remember those eyes. Those were no ordinary eyes. And the smile.

I finally looked at Him. My mouth was still tied but my eyes asked the question that summed up all my questions: What is this? WHAT IS THIS???

The one at the head of the table spoke. “It is time. You know what to do”
He nodded. Then he walked to him, slowly, shoulders hunched, and the one at the head gave him a dagger.

I remember sweating.

He walked to me. Looked at me for a few seconds. Then bent and kissed my forehead.

I remember looking straight into his eyes.

He stood up straight and raised the dagger. Aiming at my chest.

I remember the cold. It wasn’t hot anymore.

I remember shutting my eyes as he brought down the knife.



And then i was in my bed. I opened my eyes slowly; afraid to move, afraid to breathe. I looked around at the familiar surroundings. The clock on the wall in front of me read two minutes till 7a.m.

Water. I need water.

It was a dream. It was a dream. I still didn't move, save the trembling.

7a.m.

I heard the doorbell. Then I heard my mother’s scream.


Stay. Don’t get up. Don't move. Just stay in bed.

I got out of bed and walked downstairs. I could not feel my legs.
I saw my mother on the floor, my siblings and the house help around her. All crying. I saw the policemen standing, looking quite foolish. I asked them what happened.

They said He had been in an accident. He was dead.

I almost laughed out loud.



The funeral was two days ago. I haven’t shed a tear. I’m numb. I can’t feel shit. Do I tell my mother? What do I tell her? That the man she loved and trusted for 22 years was a…
Do I tell me siblings? That the man whom they loved and looked up to was a….

Was i even sure? Wasn't it just a dream?

What do I tell myself? That the man whom I loved with all my soul was in the occult?
That I, because of a stupid party, had killed Him. My daddy. I had killed my daddy.

I picked up my Jacob&Co watch. It arrived that morning. I studied the intricate design of red, yellow and blue diamonds  inside. It was beautiful.


I smashed it against the wall.






Dania's thoughts: Sigh. So. To tell the rest of her family or not?

NO.

He moved over her, anchoring his weight on his elbows. She sighed. It had been a long day and she really just wanted to sleep. He began to kiss her lips and she decided to let him, at least for a while. She splayed her fingers on his bare chest, and kissed him back. Maybe if she put some effort into it, he'd let her be when she said it was enough.

She sighed in her head. She really should have just gone back to school with Motunde when they had finished at Surulere. But she'd promised him she was coming over and he'd kept calling. Plus she'd called Stella who had said there was still no light at school. For the third night in a row. At least I'll be able to sleep for more than 3 hours without battling mosquitoes and excruciating heat, she thought to herself as she made her way to his place at about 11:30pm.
Only for her to get here and meet darkness. Great. Just great. At least in school, she'd have slept without having to share her bed with anyone. She really hated sharing beds. I wonder what will happen when I'm married. She smiled at the thought.
He started trailing kisses down her neck and she shifted uncomfortably. Okay dude, time to sleep. She didn't even understand him sef. One second he was calling and asking where she was. The next, he was angry and berating her at the gate for coming so late and now he was kissing her. She could sense he was still angry though. There was a certain roughness in his kisses.
She tried to push him away. He didn't budge. She turned her face away from him. He turned it back.

"Ohi, I'm tired. I want  to sleep." He didn't answer but instead moved to her left breast and started to suckle through the top she was still wearing.

Ok, this isn't funny. His right hand snaked down to undo the button of her jeans and pull down her zipper.

"Stop Ohi." She was starting to panic.

"Wait. Just wait."

"Wait for what ehn? I said stop!" She started to struggle as he tried to pull down her jeans but he pinned her down easily. She was no match for his gym enhanced body.

"Just wait, stop struggling."

She paused. She remembered he'd told her before that struggling just spurred him on. He took of the jeans. He tried to take of her panties. He'd never taken off her panties before. She was fully panicked now.

"Ohi! What are you doing? Leave me alone, i told you I'm a virgin!" She latched onto her panties. He slapped her hands away. She couldn't see his face but she could feel the intensity of whatever emotion he was feeling.

Oh God! What do i do? Do i scream? He lives alone in a bungalow. His next door neighbours to the left and right are companies. His house is cut off. If i scream, no one would hear. Plus I'm scared of him now, he's so... there's no telling what he might do. Besides, the first question anyone would ask is what I'm doing at his house at this time of the night.

Her panties went off.

Oh God! Please, I'd do anything, just get me out of here. I promise to never get myself in this kind of situation again!

He parted her legs.

"Please! I beg you Ohi, in the name of God, please....NO!!!"

And then he was in. No preambles, meandering, nothing. One swift thrust and he was in.

She screamed. She wasn't sure which pain she felt more. The one in her heart or the one in her deep. The tears started.

Thrust.

Maybe i do deserve it.

Thrust.

Afterall, I came to his house, I wasn't forced.

Thrust.

Maybe its what I even wanted?

Thrust.

God please make him stop.

Thrust.

Its so hot. This room is so hot.

Shudder.

He pulled out. She curled up in the fetal position and let the tears come fully. He stretched out his hand to her. She recoiled.

"Come, lets go take a shower."

The tears came harder.

"COME NOW!"

She sobbed louder.

He went to take a shower.

He came back and met her as he left her: fetal position, still sobbing. He got in the other side of the bed and pretty soon she heard his snores.

The tears would not just stop.



The next morning, he acted like nothing had happened. Didnt mention it, wasn't even sober around her or anything. Just his normal self. The only reference he made to it was when he pulled off the sheets from the bed and said to her without turning, "You were a virgin after all." That was it.

And so in some twisted way, i convinced myself that it wasn't what it was. I couldn't bring myself to accept that i had been...couldn't even say the word. His not acknowledging it in any form, made it easier for me to convince myself that it wasn't what i thought it was.


We were together for long after that.


It wasn't until long after we broke up that i faced the truth. He was ill and i went to see him. We were still friends. He 'playfully' joked about how my sleeping with him again would cure his illness. I laughed it off. Playfully. And then:


"Maybe i should just rape you, after all that's how i got it the first time."


I froze. Time froze.


I was raped. It wasn't all in my head.




I hate you. You bastard. I hate you.



I forgive you.

'Dania's Thoughts

Ladies: Fire Burns. Always has, Always will.

Gentlemen: There seems to be this misguided opinion that when a woman says no, she doesn't really mean no. Listen to me. Carefully. If she says no, she means no. Don't be her self appointed interpreter and take it upon yourself to prove her otherwise. You are not in her head. No matter how much you think you are, you are not. Even if she doesn't mean no, let her say it herself. Stop this madness.

The Smart Kids.

Okay, lets talk politics.

It doesn't matter if you don't take an interest in politics; politics will take an interest in you.

-Pericles

For about 3 months, I've listened to (and made) various comments on all the politics going on in the country (Nigeria) at the moment. Twitter has a way of making people seem learned including the serial retweeters, the band-wagoners, the people who like to always have a differing opinion et all. Every Emeka, Tunde and Ibro has an opinion. This is a good thing. I won't lie, its been fun. Especially with all the debates and monologues. From all the registration drama to the various campaign ads and strategies, to the nodding episode to the various debates and then to the postponement. 

It seems to me like there are about three schools of thought that have emerged. 

Penthouse, Heartbreak Towers, Insecure Lane.

I saw it coming.

It's funny how they always think we don't know. Maybe it massages their egos to think that they're smooth, i don't know. We may chose to let it slide and not say anything, but we know. We always do.

On the Corner of 1st and Indecision.

This is the second part of No 1, Side Street, Lonely Avenue. It was written by a guest writer. Enjoy.

‘Dania.

Sophia- Wisdom (Greek)

Obim- My Heart (Igbo)

I didn't see it coming.

I hear people say that a lot, especially when "the shit" hits the fan. I wonder why no one ever asks the question, who does see it coming? Like are we expected to see it coming?

I think that statement ranks high up there with the likes of "It was the devil" and "I didn't know what I was doing"

Do murder victims "see" the bullets leave the nozzle of the guns that kill them? (When you're not in the matrix) Or do road accident victims, at the last moment, see the license plates of the cars that hit them? (Life is not TiVo/PVR)

On the real though, I didn't see her coming.

Here's what I mean:

This Life That Was Given Me.

11:30am

Hin go soon come. Make i go baff, set my face. I hope say dis pancake go cover all dis marks dis time. 

*sigh* I taya. That last customa of yestahday, that man wicked so. I never see that kain before. And hin no wan pay extra oh after all d things hin wan make i do. Chai! Shey i go fit work today as my body hot so?

No 1 Side Street, Lonely Avenue.

No. I will not cry. I will not cry.

Open dammit! Calm down girl. Deep breath. Steady. Now slowly, pick out your key from the bunch and slide it into the keyhole. Like you do every night. Now go to the fridge, take out a beer. Okay two. Go to your room. Don't stop, don't think, just get into bed, drink your beer and wait for sleep to take you. Be merciful God. Let the sleep come early tonight. Please.

I need to pee. No i need to get back to sleep. If i pee, the sleep may not come back. Ignore it. Close your eyes, take your mind off your bowels and focus on sleep...

Damn, i need to pee.
I sigh heavily as i trudge wearily to my bathroom because i know that the sleep will not come back.


I did not ask for him to love me.

*SIGH*

06:05pm

"Babe? Hey babe." Ahh. His Voice. Still has that calming effect even after three years of being together (Two years dating, one year married).
"I'm okay, you?" Lord knows i'd kill for a hug right now.
"Seriously babe, I'm okay. Just had a pretty long rough day."
"Yeah of course, i'll tell you all about it when i get back but i'm not sure when that'll be." Eyes closed, i imagine him giving me a deep massage while i tell him how my boss has somehow gotten it into her head that I'm some kind of 21st century machine.
"I know babe, i know but there's this meeting with those clients from China. You know they never stop working. I'll be back as soon as i can."
*huge smile* *warm feeling coursing through my body* "Ahhh babe...how am i supposed to concentrate now....Alright, can't wait to get home. See you in a bit."
"Love you right back my love."  Now I really can't wait to get home. But first i have to get through this meeting. *sigh, picking up my ipad* I better get my Chun li on.

OLN

So I was going through my previous posts and I realised that the last three have been pretty serious. Like seriously, why so serious?? I'm usually not a serious person like that so those posts have me worried. Very worried. Like does it mean I am now an adult? Older and wiser and things? Does it mean my life is now serious? What does it mean??
Anyway, I've decided to do a post that is not so serious. Only that I'm not sure exactly how that's supposed to go. So here's my first attempt. OLN (On a lighter Note): Take One.

The Noses and Horses.

22nd August 2006.
5.00pm
…TICK...TICK…TICK
Green. Please God let it be green. Dear God…Tick, tick, tick…
Blue.
Shit.

To Think is To Differ

When I was born, my ears were pierced; I was a girl; that was the norm.

MR. NO, MASTER. MISTER?

I’m not him.

My name is Seun Adams. I turned 23 today and I should be excited about it but I’m not. I’m not because exactly 10 years ago today, on my 13^th birthday to be precise, my life as I knew it changed.

OH NO HE DIDN'T!!!

So Valentine's day has come and gone. Is it just me or was there an unusual amount of fuss attached to it this year? If I'd gotten one more, just one more, Valentine hamper BBM broadcast I'd have smashed my blackberry. I'm sure. Even though I didn't get a Range Rover (still can't get over that story), thankfully, i didn't have any 'Oh no he didn't' moment.' I received my fair share of gifts (as per hot babe na) and gave out a couple myself (yes a couple)

A few weeks before the day, I was at the home of one of my girlfriends an we were discussing the lamest excuses we'd heard from guys who were either too broke or cheap to do anything on the day.
I particularly remember one of my exes who told me in Janauary that he didnt believe in Val's day. According to him, love should be celebrated everyday and not on one day. I actually thought he was joking and went ahead to EMPTY my bank account, borrow and even beg so as to be able to 'Val' him properly. A week before the day, when he was still preaching the same message, I told myself that he was just trying to give me a really big surprise (come on girls, you know how we deceive ourselves sometimes) so i continued putting my own plans together.
On the 14th, even though we lived barely five minutes apart, feeling all romantic with myself, I sent his gift (the latest Hugo Boss perfume set) to his house via DHL. Later that evening, I showed up at his house dressed to the nines in this killer ensemble (which i had bought with my own money oh!), bearing a large box of expensive chocolate (Godiva), two cards (one witty and the other romantic. Both hallmark of course), a bottle of red wine (South African) and a large cake (Opindos). I then treated him to a three-course dinner at Jade Garden (which had just opened at the time) and paid for everything! All the while i kept telling myself that my 'big surprise' was coming. What can i say, it's been three years and I'm still waiting. And mind you, I was still an undergraduate then and the dude was working and earning major bucks *collective sigh*
Looking back, I wonder why he accepted all my gifts and things if he truly didn't believe in Valentine's. You know what's funny though? I still stuck with the guy after that. Yeah i know, his jazz guy was a real bad guy. It wasn't until after his response to my period being late one time was that he was taking medication that made it impossible for him to get a woman pregnant, that i realised that if i didn't ditch the lying cheapskate I would end up dying an old maid, while him, happily married would say that his pastor told him that if he married me, he would die. Mscheew. And the amazing thing is, he was so convincing that I almost started to believe him. But this was the first I'd heard him talk about taking any form of medication and I'd spent time at his place a lot. Besides what kind of medication was that anyway? If there was anything like that then there wouldnn't be any unplanned pregnancies now would there???

Another common way to try to get out of Valentine duty is to pick a fight around the period. You'd think this is pretty obvious but you'd be surprised at how many dumb guys still do it. Another friend told me how her boyfriend did the exact thing. Picked their first major fight out of thin air five days beofre Val's and dragged it out to the 17th despite all her attempts at reconciliation.

Guys please. If you really can't afford to spend money on Valentine's day, don't insult us with the lame excuses and games. Explain the situation to your girl and buy her a nice card or something small (depending on your level of broke). Afterall, the day is really about love not money or gifts. If she leaves you as a result, then at least you know she wasn't really in love with you. But if you really have money and are just a cheapskate then i pray you fall stupidly in love with a gold digger who takes you for every single penny you've got. And all the ladies say...

Welcome to my Very Own Madness.

Oh wow so I started  a blog. Interesting. Perhaps if I told you how this happened then you would understand why I think it is so.

Its 2a.m, and I'm 'Skyping' with Irene discussing business (yes business) and then one of us (probably me but i refuse to admit it) asks the other if she's heard that a mutual acquaintance just had a baby (Yes we were discussing business). The other party hadn't heard and so we both proceed to Facebook to peruse the aforementioned mutual acquaintance's wall for clues to confirm the story.

Perusal over, I return to my Facebook homepage and see that one of the FABest magazines in town at the moment has a new blog post. Attracted by the cover picture I decide to click on the link. This is rather strange for me because before now I have never opened a blog on my computer before. True story. No I am not stale or anti-social and I don't know if there's plant life in Mars. I actually even enjoy reading. But somehow I just haven't. I have visited Bella Naija twice I think and NotJustOk once, both on my blackberry and within the past month. I didn't spend more than 10mins in either though (Oh come on, you can't use that to judge me and decide to leave here in 5).

Anyway, so I open this magazine's blog, read the first line of the post, scroll up and down the page and then one little button catches my eye; Create Blog. All this while, I'm still actively discussing business with Irene. For some reason, I click on it and....

I'm not even sure how this works. Or how its supposed to work. But it will be as fun and as unpredictable as the way it was birthed. I hope.  A few stories here (fiction and otherwise), a few random thoughts there (Yeah I know, if you wanted to read my random thoughts you'd just follow me on twitter right? But the 140 character hiccup...). I'll start by posting a couple of stuff I've written over the years and then we'll go from there. I may offend a few sensibilities and will be politically incorrect a lot of times.

Enjoy.

'Dania.